Understanding Paragraphing

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In this chapter, you will learn how to: 5.1 Create effective paragraphs that have unity.

5.2 Apply different strategies for the placement of topic sentences.

5.3 Write paragraphs that are well developed.

5.4 Use a variety of paragraph organizational patterns.

5.5 Achieve coherence in your paragraphs.

5.6 Write introduction, transition, and conclusion paragraphs using a variety

of strategies.

Imagine the difficulty of reading a magazine article or book if you were faced with one solid block of text. How could you sort its ideas or know the best places to pause for thought? Paragraphs help guide readers through longer pieces of writing.

■■ Some break lengthy discussions of one idea into segments of different emphasis, thus providing rest stops for readers.

■■ Others consolidate several briefly developed ideas. Yet others begin or end pieces of writing or link major segments together.

■■ Most paragraphs, though, include a number of sentences that develop and clarify one idea.

Throughout a piece of writing, paragraphs relate to one another and reflect a controlling purpose. To make paragraphs fit together smoothly, you can’t just sit down and dash them off. Instead, you first need to reflect on the entire essay, then channel your thoughts toward its different segments. Often you’ll have to revise your paragraphs after you’ve written a draft.

Effective paragraphs are unified, contain a topic sentence, exhibit adequate development, offer clear organization, and exhibit coherence.

5ChApter Paragraphs

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85Unity

Unity A paragraph with unity develops one, and only one, key controlling idea. To ensure unity, edit out any stray ideas that don’t belong and fight the urge to take interesting but irrelevant side trips; they only create confusion about your destination.

The following paragraph lacks unity:

The Montessori Method for teaching math in the earliest grades builds on the child’s natural link to physical objects and concrete learning. Spelling and reading are also taught with special materials. It was the psychologist Piaget who recognized that there were different kinds of cognition from the concrete to the more abstract. Maria Montessori was a pioneer in applying insights into how children actually think to the classroom.

What exactly is this writer trying to say? We can’t tell. Each sentence expresses a different, undeveloped idea:

1. The use of concrete materials to teach math. 2. The use of special materials to teach spelling and reading. 3. Piaget’s contribution in identifying levels of intelligence. 4. Maria Montessori’s contribution to education.

In contrast, the following paragraph develops and clarifies only one central idea, the Montessori Method’s use of concrete materials to teach math:

The Montessori Method for teaching math in the earliest grades builds on the child’s natural link to physical objects and concrete learning. Children count out unit beads. When they reach 10 unit beads, they can exchange them for a ten-bar, a line of 10 linked beads. Ten ten-bars can be exchanged for one one-hundred square. By physically placing unit beads, ten-lines, and hundred-squares on a mat, children quickly learn about the units, tens, and hundreds place and how to carry. These concrete tools can also help children learn addition and subtraction. Chil- dren lay out a number like 236 on a mat as well as the number 165. They add them together, counting up the five and the six to get eleven and exchanging 10 unit- beads for the ten-bar leaving one unit bead, adding up the now 10 ten-bars and exchanging them for a hundred-square and then reading out the resulting number of 401. While the description of the procedure may sound complicated, the actual process of using these concrete materials to understand addition and carrying is easy for children to grasp.

Diane Honegger, student

Because no unrelated ideas sidetrack the discussion, the paragraph has unity. To check your paragraphs for unity, ask yourself what each one aims to do and whether each sentence helps that aim.

5.1 Create effective para- graphs that have unity.

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EXERCISE After reading the next two paragraphs, answer the questions that follow.

1. The legend—in Africa—that all elephants over a large geographical area go to a common “graveyard” when they sense death is approaching led many hunters to treat them with special cruelty. Ivory hunters, believing the myth and trying to locate such graveyards, often intentionally wounded an elephant in the hopes of following the suffering beast as it made its way to the place where it wanted to die. The idea was to wound the elephant seriously enough so that it thought it was going to die but not so seriously that it died in a very short time. All too often, the process resulted in a single elephant being shot or speared many times and relentlessly pursued until it either fell dead or was killed when it finally turned and charged its attackers. In any case, no wounded elephant ever led its pursuers to the mythical graveyard with its hoped-for booty of ivory tusks.

Kris Hurrell, student

2. It is not surprising that the sales figures for CDs keep slumping since it is easier and more convenient to download the music buyers want from the Internet. The online music stores, such as iTunes, are very easy to use with simple instructions for searching for music and making purchases. Music fans can quickly find the performers or albums of their choice, even obscure works, from the convenience of their living room without having to drive from store to store. Then they can buy either the songs or entire albums that interest them. Once downloaded, they can either burn a CD to play on more traditional stereos or copy the music to an mp3 player of some kind. The effects have been devastating on the music retail industry. Major stores such as Tower Records went out of business. Barnes and Noble has cut back on the number of CDs that the chain sells. The shift to online distribution of music has had the added advantage of allowing alternative groups to present their music that they would have had trouble getting made into CDs and distributed through major chains. This also ends the potential impact of major chains such as Wal-Mart on what music is sold.

Anonymous, student

1. Which of these paragraphs lacks unity? Refer to the paragraphs when answering. 2. How would you improve the paragraph that lacks unity?

The Topic Sentence The topic sentence states the main idea of the paragraph. Think of the topic sentence as a rallying point, with all supporting sentences developing the idea it expresses. A good topic sentence helps you gauge what information belongs in a paragraph, thus ensuring unity. At the same time, it informs your reader about the point you’re making.

Placement of the topic sentence varies from paragraph to paragraph, as the following examples show. As you read each, note how supporting information develops the topic sentence, which is highlighted.

5.2 Apply different strategies for the placement of topic sentences.

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Topic Sentence Stated First Many paragraphs open with the topic sen- tence. The writer reveals the central idea immediately and then builds from a solid base.

It has long been my belief that everyone’s library contains an Odd Shelf. On this shelf rests a small, mysterious corpus of volume whose subject matter is com- pletely unrelated to the rest of the library, yet which, upon close inspection, reveals a good deal about its owner. George Orwell’s Odd Shelf held a collection of bound sets of ladies’ magazines from the 1860’s, which he liked to read in his bathtub. Philip Larkin had an especially capacious Odd Shelf crammed with pornography, with an emphasis on spanking. Vice Admiral James Stockdale, having heard that Frederick the Great had never embarked on a campaign without his copy of The Encheiridion, brought to Vietnam the complete works of Epictetus, whose Stoic philosophy was to sustain him through eight years as a prisoner of war.

Anne Fadiman, Ex Libris: Confessions of a Common Reader

Topic Sentence Stated Last In order to emphasize the support and build gradually to a conclusion, a topic sentence can end the paragraph. This posi- tion creates suspense as the reader anticipates the summarizing remark.

One of the biggest of the Big Questions of existence is, Are (sic) we alone in the universe? Science has provided no convincing evidence one way or the other. It is certainly possible that life began with a bizarre quirk of chemistry, an accident so improbable that it happened only once in the entire observable universe, and we are it. On the other hand, maybe life gets going wherever there are Earthlike plan- ets. We just don’t know, (sic) because we have a sample of only one. However, no known scientific principle suggests an inbuilt drive from matter to life. No known law of physics or chemistry favors the emergence of the living state over other states. Physics and chemistry are, as far as we can tell, “life blind.”

Paul C. W. Davies, What We Believe But Cannot Prove

Topic Sentence Stated First and Last Some paragraphs lead with the main idea and then restate it, usually in different words, at the end. This tech- nique allows the writer to repeat an especially important idea.

If schoolchildren ever learn anything about this far-flung place, it is usually no more than the events on Signal Hill. From the ordinary square-mile of granite, the modern world seemed to launch itself. First, Guglielmo Marconi clambered up there in 1901, and received the first radio-waves skittering over the ocean. Then came Alcock and Brown in their preposterous aeroplane, and Charles Lindbergh, en route from New York. But this isn’t Newfoundland’s story, more the history of passersby. As to what happened in the other 41,999 square miles of Newfoundland, or in Labrador, this is a blank that most children will carry into adulthood.

John Gimlett, Theater of Fish: Travels Through Newfoundland and Labrador

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Topic Sentence Stated in the Middle On occasion, the topic sentence falls between one set of sentences that provides background information and a follow-up set that develops the central idea. This arrangement allows the writer to shift the emphasis and at the same time preserve close ties between the two sets.

Priming people with suggestions can be useful in certain cases. For older folks, it can help them recover real memories. So many elderly people seem unable to “put their finger on” a past experience. But often this is not because the memory has been erased; it’s just that the person can’t initiate the process of retrieving it. Give such people a beginning—some fact to organize around—and they can then pull all the pieces together. They can remember the word, the name, and the action, and then feel very much relieved. Aging is the most common factor that compromises the memory of us all, and its effects are being studied intensively.

John J. Tratey, M.D., A User’s Guide to the Brain

Topic Sentence Implied Some paragraphs, particularly in narrative and de- scriptive writing, have no topic sentence. Rather, all sentences point toward a main idea that readers must grasp for themselves.

[Captain Robert Barclay] once went out at 5 in the morning to do a little grouse shooting. He walked at least 30 miles while he potted away, and then after dinner set out on a walk of 60 miles that he accomplished in 11 hours without a halt. Barclay did not sleep after this but went through the following day as if nothing had happened until the afternoon, when he walked 16 miles to a ball. He danced all night, and then in early morning walked home and spent a day partridge shooting. Finally, he did get to bed—but only after a period of two nights and nearly three days had elapsed and he had walked 130 miles.

John Lovesey, “A Myth Is As Good As a Mile”

The details in this paragraph collectively suggest a clear central idea: that Barclay had incredible physical endurance. But writing effective paragraphs without topic sentences challenges even the best writers. Therefore, control most of your paragraphs with clearly expressed topic sentences.

EXERCISE Identify the topic sentences in each of the following paragraphs and explain how you arrived at your decisions. If the topic sentence is implied, state the central idea in your own words.

1. Last winter, while leafing through the Guinness Book of World Records, I came across an item stating that the tallest sunflower ever had been grown by G. E. Hocking, an Englishman. Fired by a competitive urge, I planted a half acre of sunflower seeds. That half acre is now a magnificent 22,000 square feet of green and gold flowers. From the elevated rear deck of my apartment, I can look out over the swaying mass of thick, hairy green stalks and see each stalk thrusting up through the darker heart-shaped leaves below and supporting an ever-bobbing imitation of the sun. In this dwarf forest, some of the flower heads measure almost a foot in diameter. Though almost all my plants are now blooming, none will top the sixteen feet, two inches reached by Hocking’s plant. My tallest is just thirteen feet even, but I

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don’t think that’s too bad for the first attempt. Next year, however, will be another matter. I plan to have an automatic watering system to feed my babies.

Joseph Wheeler, student

2. At the most fundamental level, scientific explanation of the world is akin to the process of reading and writing. Whether studying skull structures, geological layers, or bird populations, scientists were deciphering sign systems and interpreting texts. Both the geologist Charles Lyell and the neurobiologist Santiago Ramón y Cajal compared themselves with the linguist Jean François Champollion, who decoded the Egyptian hieroglyphics on the Rosetta stone. Highly conscious of their roles as communicators, scientists did not need critics like Arnold to point out their affinity to ordinary writers. They illustrated it themselves in their own text.

Laura Otis, Literature and Science in the Nineteenth Century

3. The first hostage to be brought off the plane was a dark little man with a bald head and a moustache so thick and black that it obliterated his mouth. Four of the masked terrorists were guarding him closely, each with a heavy rifle held ready for fire. When the group was about fifty feet from the plane, a second hostage, a young woman in flowered slacks and a red blouse, was brought out in clear view by a single terrorist, who held a pistol against the side of her head. Then the first four pushed the dark little man from them and instructed him to kneel on the pavement. They looked at him as they might an insect. But he sat there on his knees, seemingly as indifferent as if he had already taken leave of his body. The shots from the four rifles sounded faintly at the far end of the field where a group of horrified spectators watched the grisly proceedings.

Bradley Willis, student

EXERCISE

1. Develop one of the following ideas into a topic sentence. Then write a unified paragraph that is built around it. a. The career (or job or profession) I want is _______. b. The one quality most necessary in my chosen field is _______. c. The most difficult aspect of my chosen field is _______. d. One good example of the American tendency to waste is _______. e. The best (or worst) thing about fast-food restaurants is _______. f. The college course I find most useful (or interesting) is _______. g. Concentration (or substitute your own term here) is an important part of a

successful golf game (or substitute your own sport) _______. h. The one place where I feel most at home is _______. i. More than anything else, owning a pet (or growing a garden) involves _______.

2. Write a topic sentence that would control a paragraph on each of the following: a. Preparations for traveling away from home b. Advantages of having your own room c. Some landmark of the community in which you live d. The price of long-distance telephone calls e. Registering for college courses f. A cherished memento or souvenir g. High school graduation h. New Year’s resolutions

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Adequate Development Students often ask for guidelines on paragraph length: “Should I aim for fifty to sixty words? Seven to ten sentences? About one-fourth of a page?” The questions are natural, but the approach is wrong. Instead of targeting a particular length, ask yourself what the reader needs to know. Then supply enough information to make your point clearly. Developing a paragraph inadequately is like inviting guests to a party but failing to tell them when and where it will be held. Skimpy paragraphs force readers to fill in the gaps for themselves, a task that can both irritate and stump them. On the other hand, a paragraph stuffed with useless padding dilutes the main idea. In all cases, the reader, the information being presented, and the publication medium determine the proper amount of detail. A newspaper might feature short paragraphs including only key facts, whereas a scientific journal might have lengthy paragraphs that offer detailed develop- ment of facts.

The details you supply can include facts, figures, thoughts, observations, steps, lists, examples, and personal experiences. Individually, these bits of infor- mation may mean little, but together they clearly illustrate your point. Keep in mind, however, that development isn’t an end in itself but instead advances the purpose of the entire essay. Still, less experienced writers often produce under- developed paragraphs. Look for places where you can specifically add a clarify- ing explanation, a detailed example, or a more complete account of an already provided example. You might want to take weak paragraphs and brainstorm for additional details.

Following are two versions of a paragraph, the first inadequately developed:

Underdeveloped Paragraph Most of the delegates to the Constitutional Convention of 1787 feared too much democracy. As a result, they drafted the Constitution as a document outlining a limited democracy. Indeed, some of the provisions were simply undemocratic. But despite reflecting the delegates’ distrust of popular rule, the Constitution did provide a framework in which democracy could evolve.

Adequately Developed Paragraph Most of the delegates to the Constitutional Convention of 1787 feared too much democracy. As a result, they drafted the Constitution as a document outlining a lim- ited democracy. Indeed, some of the provisions were simply undemocratic: universal suffrage was denied; voting qualifications were left to the states; and women, blacks, and persons without property were denied the federal franchise. Until the passage of the Seventeenth Amendment in 1913, senators were not popularly elected but were chosen by state legislators. But despite reflecting the delegates’ distrust of popular rule, the Constitution did provide a framework in which democracy could evolve.

5.3 Write paragraphs that are well developed.

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The first paragraph lacks examples of undemocratic provisions, whereas the second one provides the needed information.

Readability also helps set paragraph length. Within a paper, paragraphs signal natural dividing places, allowing the reader to pause and absorb the material presented up to that point. Too little paragraphing overwhelms the reader with long blocks of material. Too much creates a choppy effect that may seem simplistic, even irritating. To counter these problems, writers sometimes use several paragraphs for an idea that needs extended development, or they combine several short paragraphs into one.

EXERCISE

1. Indicate where the ideas in this long block of material divide logically; explain your choices.

During the summer following graduation from high school, I could hardly wait to get to college and “be on my own.” In my first weeks at State University, how- ever, I found that independence can be tough and painful. I had expected raucous good times and a carefree collegiate life, the sort depicted in old beach movies and suggested by the selective memories of sentimental alumni. Instead, all I felt at first was the burden of increasing responsibilities and the loneliness of “a man without a country.” I discovered that being independent of parents who kept at me to do my homework and expected me to accomplish certain household chores did not mean I was free to do as I pleased. On the contrary, living on my own meant that I had to perform for myself all the tasks that the family used to share. Studying became a full-time occupation rather than a nightly duty to be accomplished in an hour or two, and my college instructors made it clear that they would have little sympathy for negligence or even for my inability to do an assignment. But what was more troubling about my early college life than having to do laundry, prepare meals, and complete stacks of homework was the terrifying sense of being entirely alone. I was independent, no longer a part of the world that had seemed to confine me, but I soon realized that confinement had also meant security. I never liked the feeling that people were watching over me, but I knew that my family and friends were also watching out for me—and that’s a good feeling to have. At the university no one seemed particularly to be watching, though professors constantly evaluated the quality of my work. I felt estranged from people in those first weeks of college life, desperately needing a confidant but fearful that the new and tenuous friendships I had made would be damaged if I were to confess my fears and problems. It was simply too early for me to feel a part of the university. So there I was, independent in the fullest sense, and thus “a man without a country.”

2. The following short, choppy units are inadequately developed. List some details you could use to expand one of them into a good paragraph.

I like living in a small town because the people are so friendly. In addition, I can always get the latest gossip from the local busybody.

In a big city, people are afraid to get too friendly. Everything is very private, and nobody knows anything about anybody else.

3. Scan the compositions you have written in other classes for paragraphs that are over- or underdeveloped. Revise any you find.

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Organization An effective paragraph unfolds in a clear pattern of organization so that the reader can easily follow the flow of ideas. Usually when you write your first draft, your attempt to organize your thoughts will also organize your paragraphs. Writers do not ordinarily stop to decide on a strategy for each paragraph. But when you revise or are stuck, it’s useful to understand the available choices. Here are some options:

1. The strategies discussed in Chapters 8–16 2. Order of climax

The choice you make depends upon your material and purpose in writing.

Writing Strategies These include all of the following patterns:

5.4 Use a variety of para- graph organizational patterns.

■■ Time sequence (narration) ■■ Space sequence (description) ■■ Process analysis ■■ Illustration ■■ Classification

■■ Comparison ■■ Cause and effect ■■ Definition ■■ Argument

Four example paragraphs follow. The first, organized by time sequence, traces the sequence of a horrifying failed rescue attempt at sea.

I once read a story about a sailor who was washed overboard while rounding the Horn on a clipper ship. His shipmates immediately lowered a boat, and a few of them rowed to the rescue while the remainder of the crew dropped sail and brought the ship into the wind. The boat crew plucked the hapless sailor out of the sea, but the small boat broached on a steep breaking wave and capsized. As the men clung to the upturned keel, a flock of albatrosses circled overhead. The lookout on the main ship watched with horror as one of the birds dove, landed on a man’s head, and plucked out his eyes. Then a second bird dove, and a third. Another res- cue boat was dispatched, but the lines became tangled in the davits as the mother ship drifted downwind. The lost time was fatal. Blinded and bloody, the men in the water untied their life vests and one by one dove to their deaths rather than face the continued assaults.

Jon Turk, Cold Oceans: Adventures in Kayaks, Rowboat, and Dogsled

The next paragraph, organized by space sequence, describes a ceramic elf, starting from the bottom and working up to the top. Other common spatial ar- rangements include top to bottom, left to right, right to left, nearby to far away, far away to nearby, clockwise, and counterclockwise.

The ceramic elf in our family room is quite a character. His reddish-brown slippers, which hang over the mantel shelf, taper to a slender point. Pudgy, yellow- stockinged legs disappear into a wrinkled tunic-style, olive-green jacket, gathered at the waist with a thick, brown belt that fits snugly around his roly-poly belly. His

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93Organization

short, meaty arms hang comfortably, one hand resting on the knapsack at his side and the other clutching the bowl of an old black pipe. An unkempt, snow-white beard, dotted by occasional snarls, trails patriarch-fashion from his lower lip to his belt line. A button nose capped with a smudge of gold dust, mischievous black eyes, and an unruly snatch of hair peeking out from under his burnt-orange stocking cap complete Bartholomew’s appearance.

Maria Sanchez, student

Although descriptive paragraphs, like those developed by narration, often lack topic sentences, our example leads off with the central idea.

Here is a paragraph showing process development.

Making beer nuts is a quick, simple procedure that provides a delicious evening snack. You’ll need six cups of raw peanuts, three cups of sugar, and one-and-one-half cups of water. To begin, combine the sugar and water in a two-quart saucepan and stir to dissolve the sugar. Next, add the peanuts and stir again until all of the peanuts are covered by the sugar-water solution. Leave the pan, uncovered, on a burner set at medium-high heat for ten to twelve minutes, until the sugar crystallizes and coats the peanuts thoroughly. Stay at the stove during the heating process and stir the mixture every two or three minutes to ensure even coating of the nuts. When the peanuts are thoroughly coated, pour them onto an ungreased cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees for about thirty minutes, stirring and lightly salting at ten-minute intervals. Serve your beer nuts fresh out of the oven or eat them at room temperature.

Kimberlee Walters, student

Again, the topic sentence comes first. The final example illustrates development by comparison and also proceeds from an opening topic sentence.

Taken together, we found that both intoxicated drivers and cell phone driv- ers performed differently from baseline and that the driving profiles of these two conditions differed. Drivers using a cell phone exhibited a delay in their response to events in the driving scenario and were more likely to be involved in a traffic acci- dent. Drivers in the alcohol condition exhibited a more aggressive driving style, fol- lowing closer to the vehicle immediately in front of them, necessitating braking with greater force. With respect to traffic safety, the data suggest that the impairments associated with cell phone drivers may be as great as those commonly observed with intoxicated drivers.

David L. Strayer, Frank A. Drews, and Dennis J. Crouch, A Comparison of the Cell Phone Driver and the Drunk Driver

Order of Climax Climactic order creates a crescendo pattern, starting with the least emphatic detail and progressing to the most emphatic. The topic sen- tence can begin or end the paragraph, or it can remain implied. This pattern holds the reader’s interest by building suspense. On occasion, writers reverse the order, landing the heaviest punch first; but such paragraphs can trail off, leaving the reader dissatisfied.

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Here is a paragraph illustrating climactic order:

The speaking errors I hear affect me to different degrees. I’m so conditioned to hearing “It don’t make any difference” and “There’s three ways to solve the prob- lem” that I’ve almost accepted such usage. However, errors such as “Just between you and I, Arnold loves Edna” and “I’m going back to my room to lay down” still offend my sensibility. When hearing them, I usually just chuckle to myself and walk away. The “Twin I’s”—irrevelant and irregardless—are another matter. More than any other errors, they really grate on my ear. Whenever I hear “that may be true, but it’s irrevelant” or “Irregardless of how much I study, I still get C’s,” I have the urge to correct the speaker. It’s really surprising that more people don’t clean up their language act.

Valerie Sonntag, student

EXERCISE From a magazine or newspaper article, select four paragraphs that illustrate different patterns of organization. Identify the topic sentence in each case; or if it is implied, state it in your own words. Point out the organization of each paragraph.

Coherence Coherent writing flows smoothly and easily from one sentence and paragraph to another, clarifying the relationships among ideas and thus allowing the reader to grasp connections. Because incoherent writing fails to do this, it confuses, and sometimes even irritates, the reader.

Here is a paragraph that lacks coherence:

I woke up late. I had been so tired the night before that I had forgotten to set the alarm. All I could think of was the report I had stayed up until 3 a.m. typing, and how I could possibly get twenty copies ready for next morning’s 9 o’clock sales meeting. I panicked and ran out the door. My bus was so crowded I had to stand. Jumping off the bus, I raced back up the street. The meeting was already under way. Mr. Jackson gestured for me to come into the conference room. Inserting the first page of the report into the copier, I set the dial for twenty copies and pressed the print button. The sign started flashing CALL KEY OPERATOR. The machine was out of order. Mr. Jackson asked whether the report was ready. I pointed to the flash- ing red words. Mr. Jackson nodded grimly without saying anything. He left me alone with the broken machine.

This paragraph has some degree of unity: most of its sentences relate to the writer’s disastrous experience with the sales report. Unfortunately, though, its many gaps in logic create rather than answer questions, and in very bumpy prose, at that. Note the gap between the third and fourth sentences. Did the writer jump out of bed and rush right out the door? Of course not, but the reader has no real clue to the actual sequence of events. Another gap occurs between the next two sentences, leaving the reader to wonder why the writer had to race up the street upon leaving the bus. And who is Mr. Jackson? The paragraph never tells, but the reader will want to know.

5.5 Achieve coherence in your paragraphs.

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95Coherence

Now read this rewritten version, additions highlighted:

I woke up late because I had been so tired the night before that I had forgotten to set the alarm. All I could think of was the report I had stayed up until 3 a.m. typ- ing, and how I could possibly get twenty copies ready for next morning’s 9 o’clock sales meeting. When I realized it was 8:30, I panicked. Jumping out of bed, I threw on some clothes, grabbed the report, and ran out the door. My bus was so crowded I had to stand and could not see out the window. Two blocks beyond my stop, I real- ized I should have gotten off. “Stop!” I cried and, jumping off the bus, raced back up the street. When I reached the office, it was 9:15, and the meeting was already under way. Mr. Jackson, the sales manager, saw me and gestured for me to come into the conference room. “One moment,” I said as calmly as I could and hurried to the copier. Inserting the first page of the report into it, I set the dial for twenty cop- ies and pressed the print button. Immediately, the sign started flashing CALL KEY OPERATOR. The machine was out of order. The next thing I knew, Mr. Jackson was at my side asking whether the report was ready. I pointed to the flashing red words, and Mr. Jackson nodded grimly without saying anything. Turning on his heel, he walked away and left me alone with the broken machine.

As this example shows, correcting an incoherent paragraph may call for any- thing from a single word to a whole sentence or more.

Coherence derives from a sufficient supply of supporting details and your firm sense of the way your ideas go together. If you brainstorm your topic thor- oughly and think carefully about the relationships between sentences, incoher- ence isn’t likely to haunt your paragraphs.

As you write, and especially when you revise, signal connections to the reader by using transitions—devices that link sentences to one another. These are the most common transitional devices:

1. Connecting words and phrases 2. Repeated key words 3. Pronouns and demonstrative adjectives 4. Parallelism

You can use them to furnish links both within and between paragraphs.

Connecting Words and Phrases Connectors clarify relationships between sentences. The following list groups them according to function:

Showing similarity: in like manner, likewise, moreover, similarly Showing contrast: at the same time, but, even so, however, in contrast, instead,

nevertheless, still, on the contrary, on the other hand, otherwise, yet Showing results or effects: accordingly, as a result, because, consequently,

hence, since, therefore, thus Adding ideas together: also, besides, first (second, third …), furthermore, in

addition, in the first place, likewise, moreover, similarly, too Drawing conclusions: as a result, finally, in brief, in conclusion, in short, to

summarize

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Pointing out examples: for example, for instance, to illustrate Showing emphasis and clarity: above all, after all, again, as a matter of fact,

besides, in fact, in other words, indeed, nonetheless, that is Indicating time: at times, after, afterward, from then on, immediately,

later, meanwhile, next, now, once, previously, subsequently, then, until, while

Conceding a point: granted that, of course, to be sure, admittedly

Don’t overload your paper with connectors. In well-planned prose, your message flows clearly with only an occasional assist from them.

In the following excerpt, which clarifies the difference between workers and workaholics, the connectors are highlighted:

My efforts to define workaholism and to distinguish workaholics from other hard workers proved difficult. While workaholics do work hard, not all hard workers are workaholics. Moonlighters, for example, may work 16 hours a day to make ends meet, but most of them will stop working when their financial circumstances permit. Accountants, too, seem to work nonstop, but many slow down after the April 15 tax deadline. Workaholics, on the other hand, always devote more time and thought to their work than their situation demands. Even in the absence of deadlines to meet, mortgages to pay, promotions to earn, or bosses to please, workaholics still work hard. What sets them apart is their attitude toward work, not the number of hours they work.

Marilyn Machlowitz, “Workaholism: What’s Wrong with Being Married to Your Work?”

Discussion Questions

1. What ideas do each of the highlighted words and phrases connect? 2. What relationship does each show?

Repeated Key Words Repeating key words, especially those that help con- vey a paragraph’s central idea, can smooth the reader’s path. The words may appear in different forms, but their presence keeps the main issues before the reader. In the following paragraph, the repetition of majority, minority, and will aids coherence, as does the more limited repetition of government and interests.

Whatever fine-spun theories we may devise to resolve or obscure the difficulty, there is no use blinking the fact that the will of the majority is not the same thing as the will of all. Majority rule works well only so long as the minority is willing to accept the will of the majority as the will of the nation and let it go at that. Gener- ally speaking, the minority will be willing to let it go at that so long as it feels that its essential interests and rights are not fundamentally different from those of the current majority, and so long as it can, in any case, look forward with confidence to

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mustering enough votes within four or six years to become itself the majority and so redress the balance. But if it comes to pass that a large minority feels that it has no such chance, that it is a fixed and permanent minority and that another group or class with rights and interests fundamentally hostile to its own is in permanent con- trol, then government by majority vote ceases in any sense to be government by the will of the people for the good of all, and becomes government by the will of some of the people for their own interests at the expense of the others.

Carl Becker, Freedom and Responsibility in the American Way of Life

EXERCISE Write a paragraph using one of the following sentences as your topic s entence. Insert the missing key word and then repeat it in your paragraph to help link your sentences.

1. _______ is my favorite relative. 2. I wish I had (a, an, some, more) _______. 3. _______ changed my life. 4. _______ is more trouble than it’s worth.

5. A visit to _______ always depresses me. 6. Eating _______ is a challenge. 7. I admire _______.

Pronouns and Demonstrative Adjectives Pronouns stand in for nouns that appear earlier in the sentence or in previous sentences. Mixing pronouns and their nouns throughout the paragraph prevents monotony and promotes clarity. We have highlighted the pronouns in the following excerpt from an ar- ticle about the writer’s first visit to a gambling casino.

There are three of us on this trip, two veterans of Atlantic City and I, a neo- phyte, all celebrating the fact that we have recently become grandmothers. One of my companions is the canny shopper in our crowd; as a bargain-hunter she knows the ways of the world. I have followed her through discount shops and outlet stores from Manhattan’s Lower East Side to the Secaucus, New Jersey, malls …. Without saying a word, she hands me a plastic container of the kind that might hold two pounds of potato salad, and takes one herself. She drags me off to the change booth, where she exchanges bills for tubes of silver, careful not to let me see just how much. I do the same. Then she leads me to a clattering corner, where a neon sign winks on and off, Quartermania. “Let’s try to find a couple of machines that only have handles,” she says ….

Eileen Herbert Jordan, “My Affair with the One-Armed Bandit”

All the pronouns in the excerpt refer to the writer, her bargain-hunting friend, or the whole group.

Four demonstrative adjectives—this, that, these, and those—also help hook ideas together. Demonstratives are special adjectives that identify or point out nouns rather than describe them. Here is an example from the Declaration of Independence:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among

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these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes de- structive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its power in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

EXERCISE In a magazine, newspaper, textbook, or some other written source, find two paragraphs that use pronouns and demonstrative adjectives to increase coherence. Copy the paragraphs, underline the pronouns and demonstrative adjectives, and explain what each refers to.

Parallelism Parallelism uses repetition of grammatical form to express a se- ries of equivalent ideas. Besides giving continuity, the repetition adds rhythm and balance to the writing. Note how the following highlighted constructions tie together the unfolding definition of poverty:

Poverty is staying up all night on cold nights to watch the fire, knowing one spark on the newspaper covering the walls means your sleeping children die in flames. In summer, poverty is watching gnats and flies devour your baby’s tears when he cries. The screens are torn and you pay so little rent you know they will never be fixed. Poverty means insects in your food, in your nose, in your eyes, and crawling over you when you sleep. Poverty is hoping it never rains because diapers won’t dry when it rains and soon you are using newspapers. Poverty is seeing your children forever with runny noses. Paper handkerchiefs cost money and all your rags you need for other things. Even more costly are antihistamines. Poverty is cooking with- out food and cleaning without soap.

Jo Goodwin Parker, “What Is Poverty?”

Paragraphs with Special Functions: Introductions, Transitions, and Conclusions Special-function paragraphs include introductions, transitional paragraphs, and conclusions. One-paragraph introductions and conclusions appear in short, multiparagraph essays. Transitional paragraphs occur primarily in long compositions.

Introductions A good introduction acquaints and coaxes. It announces the essay’s topic and may directly state the thesis. In addition, it sets the tone—somber, lighthearted, angry—of what will follow. An amusing anecdote would not be an appropriate opening for a paper about political torture.

5.6 Write introduction, transition, and conclusion paragraphs using a variety of strategies.

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With essays, as with people, first impressions are important. If your opening rouses interest, it will draw the reader into the essay and pave the way for your ideas. If, instead, you’d like to try your hand at turning the reader away, search for a beginning that is mechanical, plodding, and dull. Your success will astonish you. Here are some bad openings:

In this paper I intend to… Wars have always afflicted humankind. As you may know, having too little time is a problem for many of us. In the modern world of today…

How would you respond to these openings? Ask yourself that same question about every opening you write.

Gear the length of the introduction to that of the essay. Although longer papers sometimes begin with two or more introductory paragraphs, generally the lead-in for a short essay is a single paragraph. Here are some possibilities for starting an essay. The type you select depends on your purpose, subject, audi- ence, and personality.

A Directly Stated Thesis This is a common type of opening, orienting the reader to what will follow. After providing some general background, the writer of our example narrows her scope to a thesis that previews the upcoming sections of her essay.

An increasing number of midlife women are reentering the workforce, pur- suing college degrees, and getting more involved in the public arena. Several labels besides “midlife” have been attached to this type of person: the mature woman, the older woman, and, more recently, the re-entry woman. By defini- tion, she is between thirty-five and fifty-five years old and has been away from the business or academic scene anywhere from fifteen to thirty years. The academic community, the media, marketing people, and employers are giving her close scrutiny, and it is apparent that she is having a greater impact on our society than she realizes.

Jo Ann Harris, student

A Definition This kind of introduction works particularly well in a paper that acquaints the reader with an unfamiliar topic.

You are completely alone in a large open space and are struck by a terrifying, unreasoning fear. You sweat, your heart beats, you cannot breathe. You fear you may die of a heart attack, although you do not have heart disease. Suppose you decide you will never get yourself in this helpless situation again. You go home and refuse to leave its secure confines. Your family has to support you. You have agoraphobia— a disabling terror of open spaces.

“Controlling Phobias Through Behavior Modification”

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A Quotation A beginning quotation, particularly from an authority in the field, can be an effective springboard for the ideas that follow. Make sure any quote you use relates clearly to your topic.

The director of the census made a dramatic announcement in 1890. The Nation’s unsettled area, he revealed, “has been so broken into by isolated bodies of settlement that there can hardly be said to be a frontier line.” These words sounded the close of one period of America’s history. For three centuries before, men had marched westward, seeking in the forests and plains that lay beyond the settled ar- eas a chance to begin anew. For three centuries they had driven back the wilderness as their conquest of the continent went on. Now, in 1890, they were told that a fron- tier line separating the settled and unsettled portions of the United States no longer existed. The west was won, and the expansion that had been the most distinctive feature of the country’s past was at an end.

Ropropay Allen Billington, “The Frontier Disappears”

An Anecdote or Personal Experience A well-told personal anecdote or experience can lure readers into the rest of the paper. Like other introductions, this kind should bear on what comes afterward. Engle’s anecdote, like the sto- ries she reviews, demonstrates that “women also have dark hearts.”

My mother used to have a little china cream and sugar set that was given to her by a woman who later killed her children with an axe. It sat cheerfully in the china cabinet, as inadequate a symbol as I have ever seen of the dark mysteries within us. Yet at least it was there to remind us that no matter how much Jesus wanted us for a sunbeam, we would still have some day to cope with a deeper reality than common sense could ex- plain. It stood for strange cars not to get into, running shoes to wear when you were out alone at night and the backs of Chinese restaurants you were not supposed to go into.

Marian Engle, review of The Goddess and Other Women by Joyce Carol Oates

An Arresting Statement Sometimes you can jolt the reader into attention, using content, language, or both, particularly if your essay develops an unusual or extreme position.

It’s like Pearl Harbor. The Japanese have invaded, and the U.S. has been caught short. Not on guns and tanks and battleships—those are yesterday’s weapons—but on mental might. In a high-tech age where nations increasingly compete on brain- power, American schools are producing an army of illiterates. Companies that cannot hire enough skilled workers now realize they must do something to save the public schools. Not to be charitable, not to promote good public relations, but to survive.

Nancy Perry, “Saving the Schools: How Business Can Help”

Interesting Details These details pique curiosity and draw the reader into the paper.

Cher, the pretty sixteen-year-old protagonist of Amy Heckerling’s Clueless (1995), is a rich dumb blonde who is a mediocre student at best, and is obsessed with the pleasures of fashion, beauty culture, and shopping. A coy daddy’s girl, she

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pouts and whines when she’s frustrated, and her talk is riddled with girly slang. Her universe is filtered entirely through popular culture: she prefers watching cartoons to the news, and she takes pride in the fact that her mother named her after the leg- endary goddess of pop schlock and excess. (77)

Kathleen Rowe Karlyn, Unruly Girls Unrepentant Mothers: Redefining Feminism on Screen

A Question A provocative question can entice the reader into the essay to find the answer.

How does the biggest pop star on the planet reward herself after she’s spent the past year touring the world, performing for President Bill Clinton, opening her own boutique in Barneys, releasing a high-fashion picture book, and prepping for her appearance on “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve?”

Maureen Callahan, “Lady Gaga Gives 50 Percent of Her Earnings to Her Father”

EXERCISE

1. Explain why each of the preceding introductions interests or does not interest you. Does your response stem from the topic or the way the author introduces it?

2. Find magazine articles with effective introductory paragraphs illustrating at least three different techniques. Write a paragraph explaining why each impresses you.

Transitional Paragraphs In the midst of a lengthy essay, you may need a short paragraph that announces a shift from one group of ideas to another. Transitional paragraphs summarize previously explained ideas, repeat the thesis, or point to ideas that follow. In our example, Bruno Bettelheim has been discussing a young boy named Joey who has turned into a kind of human machine. After describing Joey’s assorted delusions, Bettelheim signals his switch from the delusions to the fears that caused them.

What deep-seated fears and needs underlay Joey’s delusional system? We were long in finding out, for Joey’s preventions effectively concealed the secret of his au- tistic behavior. In the meantime we dealt with his peripheral problems one by one.

Bruno Bettelheim, “Joey: ‘A Mechanical Boy’”

The following transitional paragraph looks back as well as ahead:

Certainly these three factors—exercise, economy, convenience of shortcuts— help explain the popularity of bicycling today. But a fourth attraction sometimes overrides the others: the lure of the open road.

Mike Bernstein, student

Conclusions A conclusion rounds out a paper and signals that the discussion has been com- pleted. Not all papers require a separate conclusion; narratives and descrip- tions, for example, generally end when the writer finishes the story or concludes

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the impression. But many essays benefit from a conclusion that drives the point home a final time. To be effective, a conclusion must mesh logically and stylistically with what comes earlier. A long, complex paper often ends with a summary of the main points, but any of several other options may be used for shorter papers with easy-to-grasp ideas. Most short essays have single-paragraph conclusions; longer papers may require two or three paragraphs.

Following are some cautions about writing your conclusion:

1. Don’t introduce new material. Draw together, round out, but don’t take off in a new direction.

2. Don’t tack on an ending in desperation when the hour is late and the paper is due tomorrow—the so-called midnight special. Your reader de- serves better than “All in all, skiing is a great sport” or “Thus we can see that motorcycle racing isn’t for everyone.”

3. Don’t apologize. Saying that you could have done a better job makes a reader wonder why you didn’t.

4. Don’t moralize. A preachy conclusion can undermine the position you have established in the rest of your composition.

The following examples illustrate several common types of conclusion.

Restatement of the Thesis The following conclusion reasserts Jordan’s thesis that “a mood of antisocial negativism is creeping through the structure of American life, corroding our ideals, and suffocating the hopes of poor people and minorities.”

There is room for honest differences about each of these key issues, but the new negativism’s overt greed and the implicit racism of its loud “No” to minority aspirations indicate that this is a poisonous movement that denies the moral ideals and human values that characterize the best in America’s heritage.

Vernon E. Jordan, Jr., “The New Negativism”

A Summary A summary draws together and reinforces the main points of a paper.

There are, of course, many other arguments against capital punishment, including its high cost and its failure to deter crime. But I believe the most impor- tant points against the death penalty are the possibility of executing an innocent man, the discriminatory manner in which it is applied, and the barbaric methods of carrying it out. In my opinion, capital punishment is, in effect, premeditated mur- der by society as a whole. As the old saying goes, two wrongs don’t make a right.

Diane Trathen, student

A Question The following paragraph concludes an argument that running should not be elevated to a religion; that its other benefits are sufficient. A final question often prompts the reader to think further on the topic. If your essay is

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meant to be persuasive, be sure to phrase a concluding question so that the way a reasonable person would answer emphasizes your point of view.

Aren’t those gifts enough? Why ask running for benefits that are plainly beyond its capacity to bestow?

James Fixx, “What Running Can’t Do for You”

A Quotation A quotation can capture the essence of your thought and end the essay with authority.

If you catch yourself ruminating on why that colleague ignored you in the hall, let it go. “You might never know the reason behind a person’s laughter or his look in your direction, so why waste time trying to find an answer?” Freeman says. “Ambi- guity is all around us. Don’t let it keep you from doing the things you enjoy.”

Stephanie Booth, “A Slew of Suspects”

Ironic Twist or Surprising Observation These approaches prompt the reader to think further about a paper’s topic. The following paragraph points out the ironic refusal of the government to confront poverty that exists a mere 10 blocks away from its offices:

Thus, a stark contrast exists between the two cultures of 14th Street, which appears to be like an earthworm with half of its body crushed by poverty but the other half still alive, wriggling in wealth. The two are alike only in that each communicates little with the other because of the wide disparity between the lives of the people and the condi- tions of the environments. The devastating irony of the situation on 14th Street lies in the fact that only ten blocks away sit the very government institutions that could allevi- ate the poverty—the Senate, the House of Representatives, and the White House.

Arresting Statement A powerfully worded unexpected statement can pro- mote thought about the paper’s issue. The final sentence here stops most read- ers in their tracks.

Unfortunately, as the situation in large parts of the world at the end of the mil- lennium demonstrates, bad history is not harmless history. The sentences typed on apparently innocuous keyboards may be sentences of death.

Eric Hobsbawm, On History

Personal Challenge A challenge often prompts the reader to take some action.

And therein lies the challenge. You can’t merely puff hard for a few days and then revert to the La-Z-Boy recliner, smugly thinking that you’re “in shape.” You must sweat and strain and puff regularly, week in and week out. They’re your mus- cles, your lungs, your heart. The only caretaker they have is you.

Monica Duvall, student

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Hope or Recommendation Both a hope and a recommendation may re- state points already made in the essay or suggest actions to take in order to ar- rive at a solution.

This journey to a tragic past will be inextricably bound up with the uplifting sight of the future. Having reached the formal memorial, the quiet pathways mark- ing the foundations of the Twin Towers, visitors may realize that they have, in fact, just walked alongside the true memorial: the living, human building blocks of a future New York.

Max Page and Sigrid Miller Pollin, “Proposal for a Landscape of Learning”

No one can predict the transformations of twenty-first century society during the information technology revolution. We certainly cannot afford to continue teaching our students only the literacies of the mid-twentieth century, or even to simply lay before them the most advanced and diverse literacies of today. We must help this next generation learn to use these literacies wisely, and hope they will suc- ceed better than we have.

J. L. Lemke, “Metamedia Literacy: Transforming Meanings and Media”

EXERCISE

1. Explain why each of the foregoing conclusions does or does not interest you. Does your response stem from the topic or from the author’s handling of it?

2. Copy effective concluding paragraphs, illustrating at least three different techniques, from magazine articles. Then write a paragraph explaining why each impresses you.

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Writing Effective Paragraphs

Writing paragraphs.

Aim for the purpose of the whole paper. Use paragraphing to show your paper’s organization. Focus paragraphs around main ideas. Use your writing plan to decide on paragraphs.

Developing your introduction.

Have a draft thesis statement.

Choose a strategy—a definition, a directly stated thesis, a quotation, a personal experience, an arresting statement, a question.

Choose a strategy based on your audience and purpose.

Developing the body paragraphs.

Build paragraphs around main idea.

Develop main idea with details, explanations, or examples. Use a strategy and order for developing each paragraph. Provide clear transitions.

State or imply a topic sentence that provides that main idea.

Writing a conclusion.

Aim at pulling the paper together for the reader.

Restate thesis in a new way. O�er a summary of paper. Leave the reader with an important question. O�er a personal challenge, hope, or recommendation.

Determine a strategy based on the paper.

Check again to determine that the conclusion fits the paper in tone, content, and approach, and does not raise new issues.

Check to see if everything in each paragraph fits the topic of the paragraph. Cut or move what doesn’t fit. Determine if additional details, examples, or explanations are necessary to make your point and add if necessary. Make certain that the topic sentence of each paragraph is clear and fits the paragraph.

Enhancing your paragraphs.

Strengthen coherence and cohesion by making certain sentences relate in an order and that repeated words or phrases help show relationships.

Use a telling quotation.

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